Anger

Anger. It's something that a lot of us deal with- whether it's from you or from someone you care for and you just happen to be in the "Backblast Area". We don’t just wake up one day and think “I feel like being a total ass today and want to ruin someone’s day- I think I’ll yell and snap at my family/friends/coworkers for no reason at all!” (OK… maybe I used to think that when I was in the Army but that’s another story for another time!). Anger is usually a fear-based emotion, believe it or not. Think about it- if we feel threatened (we fear something is going to happen to us) our first instinct is to protect ourselves and the first step in that process is to get angry and aggressive. If you put out a vibe and appearance of “Don’t fuck with me, or else!!”, it keeps the threat away because it thinks “I better back off”. Think about it- when you have that reaction toward someone what do they do 99.9% of the time? They go away, they stop talking to you, and they avoid you at all costs so our brain thinks “crisis averted”. It’s not being angry for angry’s sake, because we don't want to feel that way or treat those around us like that. It’s coming from somewhere like trauma or grief because we’re trying to protect ourselves by putting up this shell of invincibility and so-called strength. This reaction effects us in some pretty major ways, like:

- "Road Rage" 

- Snapping at family members/friends/co-workers 

- Thinking- "People piss me off because they're stupid" 

- Feeling impatient with people then later wondering "Why did I do that?" 

- Having a 'short fuse' that gets lit and burns quickly

- Feel physical symptoms like tension headaches, grinding your teeth/clinching your jaw, muscle tension in the neck, shoulders or back?

I get it, I really do. When I was struggling with my laundry list of stuff, my “drug of choice” was anger. I was angry because the blinds on the windows were open, I was angry because someone slammed a door, I was angry because of traffic, and on and on. If something around me wasn’t making me angry, I would GO LOOK for something to be angry about- usually on the news or internet. Why would I do that?! Because I would confuse the adrenaline rush of anger and pushing people away with feeling better and in control of my surroundings. That's why it became my preferred way to deal with just about everything. It took me a long time to finally realize the damage I was doing not only to myself but to everyone and everything around me.

Drop me a line if this is something you’re having a hard time with. Let's talk about those situations and figure out what to do about it.